This is not a normal Autistic Special Needs Mutation. It just happened to me this way. Psychologically though you might be interested in how my autistic personality mutated in to Special Needs Rage addiction? Everyone around me is making Social normalcy arguments 24/7. Meanwhile I am just sitting here… I am not normal… I have a psychotic disorder… I am just trying not to punch my step sibling Matt for making another gay joke! (Matt Clarke is really intelligent. He lacks social skills from a poor family cultural background… This was pointed out to me At Loyalist College in 2020.)
I am just trying to keep Ashley practicing high self-esteem…. You know she is a good sister? Like an extremely good sister. She helped me improve my grammar while she was dropping out of High School. She is smart, she is just burned out from insecure attachment problems.
I am trying to keep Kyle’s weight up. He has an eating disorder… Hello!?!? I took Advertising in College. Which means, I understand working with models many of whom are queer people. Kyle doesn’t like how we put on weight so he isn’t eating properly.
The role I tried to play?
I just tried to get money & skills so that I could help keep my family a float… Meanwhile I kept having panic attacks & mental breakdowns. I have been worried my family was going to kill one of us for quite some time. This started when they moved Ashley to Brighton Ontario in High School? Not so surprisingly she immediately got depressed. That is exactly what happened to me as well.
Growing up in Brighton?
Growing up in Brighton Ontario is actually not that great. You aren’t cultured to the High School so immediately you won’t be allowed in any social cliques because you didn’t go to elementary school with anyone. You are not a farmer! Your parents aren’t rich. If their mission is to take a frog and put it in to a progressively boiling pot of water that is exactly what my parents do with trying to start you your first year of High School at ENSS. Of course Ashley burned out!
I didn’t burn out because they started me off in the moron Locally developed classes. I completed everything quickly and was constantly bored. This is why I got in to smoking pot in High School. There wasn’t really much for me to do.
If you are going to be an English Major I highly recommend getting high. For my Psychotic brain? I had to be intoxicated just to not get up and chuck a book at someone. I was bombed a lot in English class. Mostly on cold medicine. I got sick a lot… I am a Diabetic Carrier with a Paper route! LOL, It bought my coffees.
Anyways, me and my siblings were brought up in a way that creates lunatics. I am a smart lunatic, but I am a lunatic. Going to school I had to learn to improvise for pissing myself consistently. I wish that was a joke… Even at Seneca. I was not aware I had Autistic Seizures… I only knew to monitor for them in 2018 because they warned me.
Why I wanted to die?
Too much pressure. Not enough enjoyment of life. I am Autistic Special Needs. Yet I was convinced from a young age if I didn’t act like I had it all together that everyone was going to put me in to a group home… That is scary stuff!