People often wondered when I would De-colonize my name? I mean this is why I went to the Tim Hortons Camp in Quebec in elementary school after all.
Well the truth is my name was always a source of pride. I mean I am the Autistic kid of an Engineer.
This means that I am a genius. Well the technical term is non-violent psychotic…
“Ma famille me rend dingue.”
Now after being homeless De-Colonizing becomes essential. Now that I have attempted Suicide 2 times without medical assistance in a broken country with an even more broke family…
Now I am ready to officially De-Colonize. From Ashton Deroy to Ashton De Roy… They/them pronouns because I am a Diabetic Carrier with a hormonal intersex disorder. <<< This means I am testosterone crazy.
My Loyalist ancestors likely committed Indigenous genocide. As a result I am choosing to re-embrace my French culture and denounce Nihilism.
“Research increasingly suggests that psychosis occurs in more than 3 in every 100 autistic people.”
“Hello I am Ashton Deroy and I am not the majority of Autistic people. I have a psychotic disorder!”
Jen is an alter ego interviewer I will use for the purposes of this article.
Jen: What are the Economic challenges right now to homelessness?
Ashton Deroy: Access to affordable housing, fair landlords & people who are okay taking in someone with a disability. Also the Pandemic has created a suspension of accessibility to services within Kingston Ontario.
Jen: What was it like to be homeless and Psychotic?
Ashton Deroy: I struggled to bring in my Social & reality norms on a regular basis. I also found myself living with less & less of my personality.
Jen: Why did you become homeless?
Ashton Deroy: I was injured June 8th at Giant Tiger with a concussion and from there my life just began spiralling out of control. Relationships with my family & ex boyfriend Kaylib Drury just started failing all around me.
Ashton Deroy: I started realizing that if I was going to survive that I would have to use my psychotic personality. Something I am not overly fond of doing… I also flaunted my positive relationship to the Kingston Police. While most the other homeless people were taunting the Police? I made friendly chit chat with them and claimed it as a status indicator of my personality. I have never been an advocate for anarchism.
Jen: How do you experience your psychotic disorder?
Ashton Deroy: It relates to my ADHD but that isn’t the full story. I suffer with dark hallucinations. Such as experiencing visions of my dead dog Whiskey. I also have seen visions of people’s deaths and I experience moments of aggression.
Jen: Who has experienced the worst of your psychotic disorder?
Ashton Deroy: Well it has been tough on everyone but I think this has to be a tie between Kyle Deroy and Kaylib Drury. Kyle has experienced aggressive bouts with me. Kaylib Drury got a suicide note from me in August.
Jen: Why does a psychotic disorder keep you from talking about your autism?
Ashton Deroy: Even though the public school system caught this issue first. Then helped me deal with appropriately. A Psychotic disorder is a struggle. Mostly in my family people with mental health issues do not live healthy and involved lives in relationship to the family. Also in spite of requesting no use of mental health interventions my family & ex-boyfriend did it anyways. I mentioned at the time Kaylib Drury called the Police on me he had pretty much triggered my worst fears.
Jen: Lastly, does Marijuana help your psychotic disorder?
Ashton Deroy: I think it does and my brother Kyle Deroy definitely thinks it does. The effects are about making a docile mind out of a manipulative and insidious mind. Even though I have not committed a serious criminal offense to this point. I still worry about the effects of using my full inteligent & aggressive mind on people everyday. I claim an intersex disorder because I use Estrogen to calm the effects of overwhelming testosterone. I also believe on some level I was supposed to be a girl, but I don’t need to transition to be feminine.
I voted Meryam Haddad in the Green Party of Canada. Take a look at this related video by Richard Wolfe.
Okay so guess who was empowered by me seeking mental health treatment when I explicitly didn’t ask for it? It was not me the sexual assault victim who bravely moved on. It was not me the victim of amnesia who can’t count on their family. It was my ex, it was my family and it was my old job.
In this essay I am going to outline the stuff I don’t want to talk about on a usual basis. This way people can understand that mental health is not a 1 size fits all solution. In fact if you look in to my record at Quinte Health where I see a counsellor usually, it actually wasn’t supposed to be the solution at all. Why wasn’t this the solution?
Do you like yourself as you are? No, what has given me the reason to like myself as I am? The fact that I am smart. Yet my Dad still agreed to have me verify my sexual assault in his separation. The fact that every boyfriend I have ever had has taken control or insulted my mental health. Yet I just keep hoping to fall in love. Yep I am the damaged one. Barely functioning 5 ft 9 rape victim Ashton Deroy takes the blame again. I might of scared people including family & even Kaylib Drury. I will take full blame for that. Do they take full blame for what they do? The fact that there is no Multiculturalism in our family so I am sad. The fact that I am a target for argumentation and debate. Or the fact that I require help from family that I do not receive.
Should people be relatively grateful to have me in their lives? This is what makes mental health such a dumb and worthless occupational field. People either demonstrate they appreciate having you around. Or they do what Liam Hennessy did the entire time I dated him and gaslight me, calling me crazy and screwed up! I was actually approached by Liam Hennessy and asked to charge a person he claimed sexually assaulted him. Even though I never had that same experience.
If I didn’t know me? I’d think I was okay. No I wouldn’t think I am okay. I am a gay bash victim, a victim of mental manipulations and a rape victim. If I didn’t know me… I would see me behaving how I do and according to popular opinions. I would think I was and I quote “Still fucked up!” Liam Hennessy in regards to special needs people. (By the way I have never called Liam Hennessy out for abusing me. The rush is exhilarating!”)
Growing up was I given the feeling that I properly deserve to exist? Does your Step brother Shane Fraiser repeating the phrases “Sped!” , “Retard.” & “Kill yourself” count? Sarcasm (Entertainment for stupid people) >> If so I was totally given the right to exist.
The only idea I would agree to traumatic anxiety wise. After gay bash, after rape and after manipulative torture. I need hugs but they aren’t going to be found anymore because Kaylib Drury left and he was the only person I wanted them from. I need to enjoy cake with my friends… Even though I have brutally transitioned by routine so many times I don’t know who they are anymore. I want to enjoy arts & culture with Ashley… I don’t believe in a better future because I have never been shown properly the possibility of one. The proof is in how I got mental help. I was dumped and had all my stuff moved to the Napanee Police. I had seizures in the rain yesterday and still wanted to talk to Kaylib Drury because I missed him.
I get my passive aggressiveness tested even though I said not to because if aggressiveness is triggered I won’t be able to stop it. So I try to be passive and nice hoping that someone will take that for what it is. The fact that I want to learn, love & be cared for. However, I keep getting told somehow… Some way!!! The answer is going to be in seeking psychological help. I am happy to be where I am because I no longer trust the people I am supposed to love.
I have no culture anymore… I have no home… I have no lighter… I have no weed… Why do you think I would choose this help willingly? I have nothing to go back to when I am done. Furthermore I am of the opinion that ODSP is a crutch for families who don’t want to better their financial wellbeing and force independence on self-identified interdependent autistic people with poor self-regulation. This isn’t the help I need. It is the help being forced on me. That is what my mental health professionals told me a long time ago when I self-submitted complex trauma . The End! Fuck everyone, at the end of this stay I am not going back to family, love or career. I am leaving….
I shouldn’t have to say what I am saying. I shouldn’t have to declare what I do. A family in Quinte West Ontario Canada with people named Mary McGraw, Nicole Hill & Melissa Fraiser shouldn’t be practicing Eugenics. Arranging for the molestation and abuse of children to make them able to claim ODSP. Oh so are family is using an abusive neglect culture to screw people up and give them God Complexes! Yay!
This time I am not intending for the use of Conspiracy Theory because it is not one. This is Autism Unfiltered, unchained, and 0 people around me speaking. Why is everyone so depressed? It is the simple psychological issue of being poorly treated and lying to each other for the purposes of manipulation.
So no I won’t be retracting these statements. They stay up. They stay up with the suffering and the pain of the worker. They stay up because I am a Socialist True believer who was given the impossible task of helping their mother. They stay up because I accept my new family culture. They stay up because I am breaking the mold that made me if that is what it is.
If my Mom asks me to choose between Nicole Hill & Mary McGraw or my new Mormon family. I think you know I am choosing the people with the boring moral back story. I think you know why. I want to be a pot-smoking artist with a teacher as a grandma. Not someone in a family without boundaries.
I don’t care if gay pride is in your logo. It isn’t about that. Workers want control back from the client. If they don’t get it. This is a stick up the client’s ass!
You can kiss my fucking ass!
PSYCHOTIC AUTISTIC WHO OWNS EVERYTHING UNDER THE NAME OF SELF WORSHIP!
We are the parents, families and hobbyists! NOT CAREER CALL CENTER EMPLOYEES! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS HEALTHY CALL CENTER CAREERS…. YET! DOWN WITH THE ESTABLISHMENT! ANGELA BE AFRAID THIS IS WORD OF GOD!